Up close from afar

I wrote 'Up close from afar' after the death of my sister Flora. The emotion is raw, honest - I connect with it personally. It is partly autobiographical - the story of an African migrant in Australia, a tale of hybridity, being between worlds. It is a writing of the self, and it started with a skeleton: a narrative about grief. The rest was experimental. When first person narrative became too close, research helped remove the story away from me. The writing became generative. The written became visible, more deliberate than speaking. It allowed me room to contemplate. Later, I understood how protagonist Sienna mirrored facets of me. Where at first the writing investigated, sought words to voice the ineffable, gradually it unbundled self-revelations: inward rage - how dare she die? Identity: the self and the unself - who am I? My relationship with Sienna was symbiotic. I needed her as much as she needed me. As I developed her character, transferred to her my direct experiences, she responded. Without answering all my questions, Sienna filtered meaning.